Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
