I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
