Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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