oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
