i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
