So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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