Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
