I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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