I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
