we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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