she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
