READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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