Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
