have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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