theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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