girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
