I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
