they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
