im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
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That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize