Porn is love you can see.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
