I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
