he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
