My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
