the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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