How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
