I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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