He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
