wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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