you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
