I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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