She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
