No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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