My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
