Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
