hotel room ftw
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
