There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
