Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think my fart just growled at me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
