yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
