Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
