I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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