bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
