Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
