Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
