hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
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I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
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We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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