here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
