You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
