Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize