I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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