his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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