so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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