I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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