I puked a lego.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
