Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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