I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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