my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
