Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
