Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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