i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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