420 ftw
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
