she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Everclear isn't food dammit
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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