This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
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Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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