so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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