Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He passed out mid-signature
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
