Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
