I'm lost and stupid without you.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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