I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
