clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
