i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
