Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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