shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
