I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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