If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
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And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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