You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
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I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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