When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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